where I want my heart

I really love being a YL leader. I know people probably think I say this all the time, but I just can't get over it. I just had dinner with one of my favorite girls, and I just don't believe there is an organization that does it better than YL does.

How could it be better than this?!

A lot of the time I feel pressure, like I need to be something for my girls or like I'm letting them down, or like I need to say exactly the right thing and call at exactly the right time and if they are drinking or smoking weed then its because I'm not being a good enough YL leader. I know in my head that this isn't the truth and that I can't control their behavior, and that their behavior is not a reflection of the impact I am making. And all this week, over and over in my mind, I keep thinking that the BEST thing I can do for my girls is not call them more. The best thing I can do for my girls is not swoop in at just the right time. Its not having the perfect piece of advice. Its not making their pain away. No, the BEST thing I can do for my girls is be more in love with Christ.

I've been trying to think of things with this perspective this week: If I got cancer, would this matter? If I got really sick and my life was forever changed, would this matter? Class FOR SURE wouldn't. YL club wouldn't. My insecurities about if I'm living up to the standards I set for myself wouldn't. My "keeping busy" by filling my time with crap wouldn't. My relationship with Christ would. The fact that I talked to my mom on the phone today for 30 minutes would. My relationships with my YL girls would and encouraging words would and laughing with my roommates would. This is where I want to focus my attention and where I want my heart to be.