this is long!

This might be long, I have a lot of things to say!

1. My mom just left. I really love my mom. She came for the YL banquet last night and I'm so glad she did. I love that she got to come and see that Young Life is so much more than me sitting and listening to high school drama. I love that she got to interact with my friends and see a little more of what my life is really like. I talked at the banquet last night with Jake and led a game, and I joked with my mom about high school. She really, really wanted me to take public speaking in high school and I always told her I didn't need it. I won, obviously, and last night she finally agreed that I really didn't need it. We went to breakfast this morning and had a lot to talk about and I'm so thankful for her. We talked about how its amazing that she is still sane and normal with some of the things that have gone on in her life. We laughed about how for the FIRST time in her life, she simply doesn't want to work anymore (I haven't even started and I don't want to work anymore!) She bought me groceries and came with enough diet coke and toilet paper to last for an eternity. She came with cute shoes and a flannel shirt because she remembered me talking about wanting one the other day. Sometimes I wonder if my mom gets me, if she understands who I am, and sometimes I think she doesn't. And then on days like today, I don't think I could feel any more loved, and more supported, any more understood.

2. I love the Carmel YL banquet. When I was a junior in high school, I spoke at the YL banquet and told my testimony. Five years later, I told one reason why I love being a YL leader, and led a game at a YL banquet. Its amazing to be in a room of 300 adults who are saying, "Yes. I care." I like to meet the parents of my kids. I like to be in a room of adults who hear truths about teenagers and how life is hard. I like that there is purpose in every part of the night and that we sit in a room full of smiling people.

3. I really love reading other people's blogs. Sometimes that makes me think that other people would love to read my blog too, but I think that's just too much pressure. Plus, what if I decide that I want to quit blogging again, and then a bunch of people keep telling me to do it?

4. For as long as I can remember, I have said that I am ready to get married. Literally, in high school I thought I knew who I was going to marry and I had my life planned out. Since then, lots has changed, including who I thought I was going to marry, but this has been a consistent theme in my life. I have 3 friends who are getting married in the near future. I'm SO excited for these weddings. I'm going to a bridal shower tonight. And for the first time in my life (this sounds stupid, but its the truth) I've realized that I will graduate from college and not be engaged. I just never believed that this was really possible. Now, there are 6 months until I graduate and I'm not giving up hope that I will have a boyfriend by then, but I certainly won't be engaged. I was talking to Mary Ellen a few weekends ago and we talked about the fact that we can't really believe we are going to graduate and not get married right away. If this was a world where I got to pick everything I thought I needed, would I choose to be getting engaged? Yes. Absolutely. But then I think about my friends getting married, about the way their lives are going to radically change in such a short amount of time, and then I think I might be thankful for the way my life is turning out. I love this life. I'm not sure that I'm ready to graduate, move, get married, find a job, figure out how to be a wife and still have friends, etc. I know that one day (hopefully sooner rather than later) I will meet a great guy that I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with. When that happens, I will be THE most excited engaged person you have EVER met. And until then, I want to LOVE this life. Love where I am. Love what I'm doing. Love living with two girls that I have so much fun with. Love living freely without attachments. Love what God is teaching and showing me in this time. Love the hope that I know is in my future.

5. I want to make a craft project. I need ideas!