Today I had a really good conversation about anxiety. I know I'm a person who experiences anxiety, at least some of the time, and it is an interesting thing that I think most people don't really talk about. So I came to the realization today, and it sounds simple but it feels really freeing, that I'm going to let you down. It simply is not possible to live up to every person's expectations, at all times and never let anyone down. I am doing the best I can, all the time, everyday. And that is enough. I'm never going to be the perfect friend, or the perfect young life leader, or the perfect daughter, or the perfect sister, and someday I'm not going to be the perfect girlfriend or the perfect wife or the perfect mother. But, lucky for me, I don't have to be because I have the perfect God who fills in all the places I never could. And that isn't enough, that is more than enough.
I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don't want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing loud in the car with the windows open and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. And I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.
5.19.2010
perfect
Today I had a really good conversation about anxiety. I know I'm a person who experiences anxiety, at least some of the time, and it is an interesting thing that I think most people don't really talk about. So I came to the realization today, and it sounds simple but it feels really freeing, that I'm going to let you down. It simply is not possible to live up to every person's expectations, at all times and never let anyone down. I am doing the best I can, all the time, everyday. And that is enough. I'm never going to be the perfect friend, or the perfect young life leader, or the perfect daughter, or the perfect sister, and someday I'm not going to be the perfect girlfriend or the perfect wife or the perfect mother. But, lucky for me, I don't have to be because I have the perfect God who fills in all the places I never could. And that isn't enough, that is more than enough.
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